Damn Jareth
by Lady-Lannie-Queen-of-Goblins
Summary: One shot of all the times poor Jareth's name was cursed, usually by Sarah. Its a fun little set of filler scenes that goes along with the series I'm writing.


**DISCLAIMER:** I do not own Jareth (wish I did sometimes), Sarah, or any of the characters from Labyrinth. They belong to Jim Henson and those responsible for the making of the wonderful masterpiece that is Labyrinth. This was written for fun and I make no profit from it.

 **AUTHOR'S NOTE:** This is technically the third of a set of stories that I wrote as a wedding gift for two friends of mine. The early portions of this fit into unseen sections of those two stories and the last part follows the end of the second story. This all came about while trying to think of a title for the second story. (First one is Battle of Kings: Goblin King vs Pumpkin King and second at this moment is still untitled) I was telling a friend that yes I was writing a sequel and I made the comment Damn Jareth, referring to my ongoing joke that certain characters in my head refuse to shut up. Well she replied. "I vote for the title to be Damn Jareth." And this is the result of that. Also I apologize if any characters seem a little out of character. While writing this I realized I may have written myself in as Sarah and so Jareth may have taken on a few personality traits that aren't normal for him. This whole series was also a therapy of sorts for me as I finished writing the first story shortly after the death of the Legendary David Bowie, who was and always will be my hero. So I dedicate all three stories to his memory. You'll be missed but never forgotten Starman!

 **~*~ Fall 1986 ~*~**

Jareth sat in the window of his study, watching Sarah run the Labyrinth in a crystal in his hand. Soon Hoggle would give her the peach and then she would forget everything. A grin spread across his face as he pondered the possible fantasies her mind might create for her drug induced sleep. His day dreams were interrupted when he heard his name. He gazed into the crystal and chuckled lightly.

In a strangled voice, Hoggle cried out, "Damn you, Jareth! And damn me, too!" Turning his face away from Sarah, he ran headlong into the forest.

Jareth summoned more crystals and started spinning them in one hand. He was curious to know Sarah's dream and he was going to invite himself to join her in whatever fantasy she was living. Taking one crystal from his hand he held it out and blew on it gently, sending it floating to the dreaming girl as a bubble. He repeated this until all the crystals were gone and were perfect bubbles floating cheerfully around the girl. Once she was captured by the bubbles, he was able to see her dream. He smiled. He was going to enjoy this very much.

 **~*~ Winter 1986 ~*~**

Sarah sat on her bed, reading the required material for class. Her parents were once again out for the night and it was just her and Toby, who was quietly sleeping, or so Sarah thought. Sitting up, she could have sworn she heard several voices coming from the other room. She stood slowly and crept down the hall. This had been going on for a week. Whenever she checked there was no one there, except Toby who was always smiling and babbling when she came in. This time she didn't completely close the door, hoping that whatever she was hearing wouldn't notice the silently opening door. Slowly she opened it and peered inside. She nearly screamed at what she saw; there was Toby playing with 5 goblins. Covering her mouth with her hand, she ran to her room and closed the door. "Hoggle! I need you!"

A moment later Hoggle appeared in her mirror. "Sarah, what's wrong?"

"Its that damn Jareth!"

"Shhh! Don't go saying his name. Names have power and shouting his is the fastest way to get his attention." Hoggle warned.

"Sorry."

Hoggle shook his head. "I don't think he heard you this time, but be careful Sarah. He can't come after you or your brother because you beat him, but if you call him, even if its accidentally, he'll swoop in here faster than you can blink and who knows what that rat will do. Now what is the problem?"

"Its Jar… the King, I think he's after Toby." Sarah said quickly.

"He can't touch either of yous. You're safe Sarah."

"Then why are there 5 goblins in Toby's room?"

"WHAT?" Hoggle hurried to Sarah's side. "Are you sure?"

She grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall to her parent's room and slowly opened the door. "See." She whispered.

Hoggle stood there with his mouth open. "How long have they been here?" he whispered back.

"I think they've been here off and on for a week or so. Tonight's the first time I've seen them, but I've heard voices and giggles in here." Sarah explained.

"I think they just want to play with Toby." Hoggle pointed. "See they brought him toys."

"What if it's a trick? He is starting to talk a little. Could they be trying to make him wish?"

"Goblins aren't incredibly bright Sarah, so don't put too much thought into it. But you can find out. As Champion they're expected to obey you to a certain degree. Try commanding them. If you don't want them here, then you have to tell 'em to go away."

"And if that doesn't work?"

"Damn the rat?"

 **~*~ Spring 1987 ~*~**

Sarah sat on the bathroom floor beside the tub with a close pin on her nose. "Damn King and his stupid bog of eternal stench." Inside the tub were 5 goblins that went by the names Dusty, Patch, Cam, Flower, and Grunt, who had been visiting Sarah and Toby for months without letting the Goblin King know anything about it.

Dusty sniffed Patch and looked at Sarah. "We no smells bad Lady."

"Yea, we smells like gobbies." Patch agreed.

"Well Gobbies smell bad then." Sarah said as she tried not to gag from the smell. You 5 were fine yesterday and now…" She covered her mouth. "What did you do to him to get bogged?"

"We chase chickens around room and knocked over Kingy's drink." Flower answered.

"And for that he bogged you?" Sarah was shocked. She knew Jareth had a slight temper but that sounded like a bit much, even for him.

"It spills all over Kingy's favorite outfit." Cam responded quietly.

"Ah." Sarah nodded that sounded more like Jareth. She poured another can of tomato juice over the goblins and continued scrubbing them. It worked for skunk smell, so maybe it would at least help with ode de bog. "Damn sparkly monarchs and their stupid sense of fashion." Sarah mumbled.

 **~*~ Fall 1987 ~*~**

Sarah was in her room trying to study. She hated chemistry and her test was in two days. Without realizing it, she started humming a tune and twirling her pencil around to the rhythm of the song. Suddenly she realized what song she was humming and threw the pencil against the wall. "Damn Goblin King." She muttered as she stood to retrieve the pencil.

As she bent to pick up the pencil, the door opened. "Lady." Cam called.

"What is it Cam?"

"Can we has a snack?" he asked quietly.

Sarah looked at the clock. "Alright, a small one. I'll be down in a minute to get it."

Cam rushed over and hugged her leg. "Thanks Lady!"

She smiled and watched him run off to tell the others the good news. "I guess a little break wouldn't hurt and maybe a movie to get that damn song out of my head. Maybe I'll introduce the goblins to Mary Poppins." After tossing the pencil on her bed, Sarah headed downstairs to find a snack for herself, Toby, and 5 hungry little goblins.

 **~*~ Summer 1988 ~*~**

Sarah searched the cabinets for the hundredth time. They were still empty. "Lady we hungry." Dusty whined. The Goblin 5 had gotten used to always having dinner with Toby or right after him, depending on if Robert and Irene were home.

Though today, no one was home, except Sarah and the goblins. Robert and Irene had taken Toby with them to visit Irene's sister. Sarah had been allowed to stay home for the 3 days they were gone. Irene was against it, but Robert argued that Sarah was a responsible adult now and that having her stay would be a good idea. She could look after the house and they wouldn't have to take Merlin with them or pay someone to watch him. Sarah was grateful for the alone time, even if she did have to tend to the Goblin 5. Only issue was no one went grocery shopping before they left, so the house was bare and they left her just enough money to pay for a few groceries and maybe order pizza or Chinese one night. "Well looks like I'm ordering in tonight." She sighed. "Damn King, doesn't he feed you?"

"Kingy takes good cares of us." Flower said with a smile.

"We only allowed in kitchen at certain times. Kingy say we eats all the foods if we have all day access." Patch added.

"I can see what he was talking about. You lot eat more in a night than I eat in an entire day." Sarah shrugged and grabbed the phone. "So what should we get on our pizza?"

 **~*~ Spring 1989 ~*~**

Sarah was on the couch, keeping an eye on Toby and the goblins as they played in the living room. She was flipping through a magazine and looking at the latest fashion for prom dresses. Her Junior Prom was in 3 weeks and she was dreading it. First she knew she'd never find a date. She didn't have many friends and the ones she did have were either girls, with someone, or gay. Sighing she turned the page. "I wouldn't wear any of these." She said almost disgusted as she tossed the magazine aside.

"Wear what Lady?" Flower asked as she picked up the book.

"Those dresses. They're nice, but well…" she stood. "They aren't what I'd want to wear to a formal dance, though I guess Prom isn't a formal ball like they have in the Underground is it?"

"Lady want fancy dress?" Cam asked.

"Maybe we can gets one for you." Patch offered.

"Yeah, Kingy has lots of fancy clothes." Flower added as she looked at the book.

"Kingy no wear dresses." Dusty protested.

"No but he gots whole closet full of pretty dresses in the room we not supposed to go in." Flower commented.

"Wait, if you're not allowed in there how do you know there are dresses?" Sarah asked as she eyed the only female member of the Goblin 5.

Flower put the book down and blushed. "I sneaks in one day. Kingy not know. I saw him goes in with a pretty white dress one day so I wanted to sees what else was there."

"A white dress?" Sarah's eyes got wide.

Flower nodded. "Yea it was all puffy and pretty. Would looks real good on Lady, but then so would all the dresses in Kingy's closet."

"Hey maybe we can asks Kingy to let Lady borrows a dress for her party thingy." Patch suggested.

"No, no that's alright. You can't let the King know you visit me, remember?" Sarah blurted out quickly.

"Oh, rights." Patch hung his head.

"Beside I don't have a date. I probably won't even go." Sarah added.

"I'd goes with Lady if I could." Cam said shyly.

Sarah picked up the little goblin and hugged him. "Thanks Cam. I'm sure you'd be a wonderful date." She kissed his forehead and placed him down. Looking at the magazine on the couch by Flower, she shook her head as she sat back down. "Damn him and his fancy dresses and eloquent balls. No wonder the idea of Prom feels silly, nothing here will ever compare to that." Trying not to think of dancing with Jareth, Sarah looked over to Toby and jumped up. "Toby!"

While the others were busy talking about dresses, young Toby had found the tub of crayons and markers and was currently decorating the floor and himself. Sarah rushed over and scooped him up. "Sarah look." Toby mumbled and giggled.

"Alright Picasso, let's get you cleaned up and then clean your art off the floor."

 **~*~ Winter 1989 ~*~**

Sarah was walking through the mall, trying to get her Christmas shopping done. Sitting on a bench, she pulled a list from her pocket and went over it. "Let's see, got something for Daddy and Irene. I got Toby the DeLorean toy he wanted. Beckie and Whit just wanted gift certificates. So all I have left are the goblins and Jareth. Hmm should be able to find little things for the little ones, but what to get Jareth?"

She put the list away and grabbed her bags and continued looking around. An hour later she had gifts for 4 of the 5 goblins. Finding something for Grunt was more difficult because he didn't talk, therefore knowing what he liked was much harder. But that was nothing compared to her dilemma of buying a gift for the Goblin King. "Damn Jareth." She mumbled as she left another store empty handed. "What do you buy for a magical, glittery King that likes clothes more than a man should?"

Then she saw it, the perfect gift. With a huge grin on her face she hurried into the store and prayed she had enough money.

 **~*~ Spring 1990 ~*~**

Sarah was at Beckie's house with her and Whit. They were studying for their upcoming Government test, or at least they were supposed to be. Sarah's mind was somewhere else. Beckie was busy rereading the chapter, but Whit noticed Sarah starring off into space. She nudged her girlfriend. Beckie looked up and Whit leaned over and whispered. "Me thinks someone is missing a certain King."

Beckie giggled and that brought Sarah out of her day dream. "What?"

"Well I know American Government is boring, and we all can't be glittery monarchs, with sexy voices," Beckie teased, "but could you at least try and keep your mind here with us and not off in the Underground with your boyfriend?"

"He's not my boyfriend." Sarah argued. "At least I don't think he is…"

Whit and Beckie laughed and shook their heads. "Sarah, he asked to court you, that's the old formal way of dating, so yeah he's your boyfriend." Whit commented.

"Don't know what took you so long to get with him." Beckie stated. "He's had it bad for you since we met him and from what you told us longer than that."

"I just want to be careful. Last time I did something on the fly I wished my brother away and had to run a Labyrinth." Sarah explained.

"Yea, yea and made a good looking King fall madly in love with you." Whit shook her head. "I still don't know why you're here and not there with him."

"Exactly!" Beckie nodded agreeing with her girlfriend. "He offers you the world and you tell him you have to finish school?" She threw a pillow at her friend. "What is wrong with you? Hell, if it was me I'd have taken him up on his offer the first time." She looked to Whit. "I love you Hun, but he is a good looking King."

Whit chuckled. "No argument here. So why are you still here being a boring human, instead of jumping into the waiting arms of his royal Glitterness?"

Sarah shrugged. "I know it doesn't make a lot of sense, but I want to be sure. Forever is a long time. If I go with him, he'll make me like him which yea we'll have centuries to be together, but what if it doesn't work? Its not like I can say, well we tried and I'm not happy so I'll just go home now and move on. I won't age like you guys will and well I'm not sure I want to outlive you two and Toby, and Daddy. I'll see you all grow old and die and I'll still be around."

Beckie and Whit exchanged glances. "I hadn't thought about that." Whit whispered.

"Yea I guess that really is a lot to consider." Beckie added.

"Anyway, let's get back to work." Sarah said changing the subject. The others nodded and they went back to reading and taking notes on the book.

Ten minutes later, Sarah slammed her book shut and flopped back on Beckie's bed. "Its pointless. I can't focus." She sighed. "Damn Jareth, why can't I stop thinking about him?"

"Because you're in love dummy." Beckie said with a smirk.

"I know why don't you go home, call Sparklebutt and maybe if he's with you, you can focus on the book." Whit suggested.

Sarah sat up and looked at Whit. "You've met Jareth right?" she nodded. "Yeah how much work will I possibly get done with him in the room?"

Whit thought a moment. "Good point."

"What if you go sit and study in his office?" Beckie offered. "He's King and has a Kingdom to run so surely he has paperwork to do right? If he's busy he can't distract you and since he's in the room you won't be missing him."

Sarah thought a moment. "That might actually work." She grabbed her things and stood up. "Can't hurt try right?" She said goodbye to her friends and headed home.

 **~*~ Summer 1990 ~*~**

Sarah woke to the sun shining in through her open window. Sitting up she looked around. Jareth was nowhere to be seen, which she found odd, seeing he was the one that had insisted on being allowed to stay with her the entire night. "He could have at least waited until I woke up or left a note." She grumbled. Climbing out of bed, she made her way to the bath room to wash her face and relieve herself. Once her bladder was empty, she stood in front of the mirror and opened the cabinet to pull out the face wash and toothpaste. Closing the door, she got a good look at herself in the mirror. "What the…" she looked down and examined herself. "Damn Jareth and his stupid magic glitter!" She shouted once she realized that she was covered in silver glitter.

 **~*~ A couple years later ? (time works different in the Underground) ~*~**

Sarah paced the room nervously. "Damn Jareth and his extravagant ways." She sighed. "I told him a small simple ceremony was all I wanted, but no he's got to make a holiday of it and invite everyone in 5 Kingdoms."

"Well it's not every day the Goblin King gets married, and seeing it's my brother no one ever thought this day would ever come."

Sarah turned and smiled seeing Jaxel, her soon to be brother-in-law at the door. "Jax." She rushed over and hugged him. "I know but was all of this really necessary?"

"No, but I know he's doing most of it for you. He wants it to be perfect and to make you a happy bride. Although if your damning him now, what does that say about your future?" Jaxel teased.

Sarah laughed. "I've been damning him for a long time now and I'm sure I'll continue to do so for many centuries to come."

Nodding, Jaxel offered his arm. "Well let's not keep that all too damned happy brother of mine waiting." Sarah took his arm and he led her to the hall leading to the main ballroom to wait for the ceremony to begin.

 **~*~ Next morning ~*~**

Sarah woke up feeling, warm, sore, and still extremely tired. The minute her eyes opened, Jareth was covering her shoulder and neck with kisses. "Damn Jareth." She chuckled. "Do you ever get enough?"

"Of you?" He kissed her shoulder. "Never Precious." He kissed up her neck to her ear. "I never have." He kissed her cheek. "And never will." He said before capturing her lips in a passionate kiss.

 **~*~ Several Years Later ~*~**

"DAMN YOU JARETH!" Sarah's screams could be heard throughout the castle and was the first thing the King heard when he rushed inside. Her shouts and curses aimed at her husband continued as he raced up to their bedroom.

"You sure you want to goes in there Kingy?" Flower asked as she and the other four hid in the hallway.

"Yea, Queenie not happy withs you right now." Cam added.

"It's a risk I'm willing to take." He responded even as she made threats to his person if he ever tried to touch her again. Taking a deep breath he opened the door and hurried to his wife's side.

"About damn time Jareth!" Sarah yelled before another contraction hit. She was sweating profusely and breathing heavily. "Never again. I'm never doing this again. You better be happy with whatever it is because we are NOT doing this again!"

Jareth smiled and held her hand. "Of course dearest. I'm thrilled that you're giving me a child at all. I'm thrilled that you're still by my side and that you're still allowing me the honor of waking up beside you each morning." He kissed her forehead.

"Flattery will get you nothing right now. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She gripped his hand tightly as the contractions continued.

 **~*~ Several Years Later ~*~**

Sarah sat by the fire with her feet up. Her back was killing her, her feet were swollen, and she felt like she was going to puke at any moment, which is why there was a rather large bucket beside her chair. She looked to the door when she heard it open. "How are you feeling Precious?" Jareth asked cautiously as he slowly made his way in.

"Like a balloon that's ready to pop." She rubbed her lower back with one hand. "Damn Jareth, why the hell did I let you do this to me again?"

He chuckled and wrapped an arm around his very pregnant wife. "Because, dear wife, you wanted a little boy. It was you who said I needed a boy to pass my good looks and charm on to. After all Tara got all her good looks and brains from you." He kissed her cheek and then rested his head against hers.

"Damn you for being so irresistible and so damned annoyingly right." Sarah muttered. Jareth merely laughed and helped her to her feet, offering to rub her back until she fell asleep.

 **~*~ Many, Many, Centuries Later ~*~**

Sarah stood on the balcony watching the sun set over the Labyrinth. She smiled when she felt familiar arms wrap around her from behind. Soft lips gently kissed her neck, and she leaned back against her husband. "I've been looking all over for you Precious."

"Have you now?"

"Yes. Tara and Seule will be here soon and there are still many preparations to see to." Jareth replied as he tightened his grip on her.

"I know. I just needed a few quiet minutes to myself." She sighed. "Hard to believe you've been the Goblin King for 2,000 years."

"Hmm, has it really been that long? Seems like it was just yesterday you were wishing young Toby away and causing havoc in my Labyrinth." He teased.

"Yes and you chasing me all over the damn place in those ridiculously tight pants." Sarah smiled.

"Never heard you complain about my pants before, well other than that I took too long to get out of them at times." He nipped her ear, causing her to almost purr.

"Damn it Jareth, we don't have time right now." She protested as his hands wandered her body slowly.

"We have all the time in the world my dear. After all they can't celebrate my unusually long reign as King without me, now can they?" He turned her to face him and captured her lips in a deep kiss.

After a moment she pulled away. "Damn you," she smirked. "I never could resist you for very long."

"Don't know why you even try to." He grinned.

"Because you like it when I'm hard headed and argue with you. You said many times fighting with me is fun and the makeup sex is always incredible." She replied as she swatted his hands away and slowly backed towards the door.

He kissed her lips. "Very true dear wife, now stop fighting and let me get you out of that dress.

"Nope." She smiled. "We've got company. I just saw the carriages pull up." She kissed his cheek and hurried out to greet her children.

Running his hand through his hair, Jareth sighed. "Damn it."


End file.
